I remember.

I remember the first time I saw you,
how behind your head, I swear, the sun was coming up.
I remember the air in the room on fire.
I remember the tense glance, the longing look,
and I remember when she spilled ice cream, your tongue
against her shoulder, but your eyes fixed on mine.
I remember the smell of you in the morning,
and I remember that I was not afraid.
I remember your eyes drinking mine and your mouth
full of me,
and I remember being the most beautiful woman in the world.
I remember your hands, how soft,
and I remember finding softness inside you the first time
and recognizing you and recognizing me.
I remember the long nights, the long nights with you
and the long nights without you, waiting.
I remember the waiting, wanting,
and I remember the reuniting.
I remember the day in the woods, your eyes above mine
just like the sky and how you lay down your coat for me,
and I remember the anticipation between the phone call
and the meeting, the first kiss after a span of time
and how it was always so easy. Why can't it be so easy?
I remember the shape of your lips saying, wife,
and I remember the glow in the morning.
I remember imagining the years to come, the child
and the rooms we would make.
And then, I remember the unraveling
and the days when it felt the pins had come undone,
and I remember lying with my hand against your chest,
counting your breaths in a silent prayer -
Do not die. Please do not die.
I remember your back, turned to me,
and your mouth formed against me
and the knocking on the door, the handcuffs,
and the girl in the front yard.
I remember being very much afraid.
I remember when the lights went off,
when the windows were all broken,
when the bandits took over the house.
I remember the blood, the resurrection,
the tidal push and pull.
And finally, I remembered the girl with the long ponytail,
the diamond that she carried at the center of her heart.
I remembered to begin to protect her again.
I remembered her blanket, her bed, her body,
and I washed her face,
wrapped her up,
and sent her away.