Love Affair

I know I've been unfaithful.

I know I've been so ridiculously

inconsistent and untrue.

I haven't hidden my faults from you

my mistakes,

my ugliness.

I've tried, but unfortunately I can't.

It is impossible to fool you.

To hide from you.

You know me so well.

You have taken me back

Open arms

Arms wide opened, with a level of forgiveness

that my mind can't

comprehend.

Waiting as I sob and beg;

Begged for another chance

I don't have to beg, but I feel inclined to do so

I feel obligated.

Because I know that I don't deserve you

I don't deserve your grace,

love,

forgiveness.

I don't deserve your selflessness.

I know I take you for granted

And I can't help but realize that

this is a dysfunctional relationship

One that you should probably walk away from

A relationship between two different beings

With different natures, different levels of loyalty;

a very unbalanced exchange of commitment.

But you don't walk away.

You stay.

You endure.

You wait.

And gently bring me back.

Over again.

Countless times you've pulled me back.

I am fully aware that actions speak louder than words.

But, I want you to know that I love you, Lord.

More than my words can express.

But I know you see the depths of my soul;

Beyond my junk, my mistakes, my scar tissue,

and whatever else I have exposed my precious soul to;

I know you see my heart, my love, my human commitment.

You don't have to say it back.

I already know.

I already know that your love is unfailing.

You've proven that to me.

So, I'm continuing to fight for us.

I'm pushing myself beyond my human nature,

with your help, of course,

so that you can see that...

I am trying.

Each day is a battle, but I am trying.

and I want you to know that I won't give up on

us; or our love.

It is my life.